he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
