So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
