bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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