I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
