Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
