there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Randomize
