U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
