This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
