nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
