I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
