So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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