I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
