I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
