i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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