how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
