she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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