This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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