Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
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