She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
