Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Randomize
