I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
