listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
