No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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