Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Swine flu. Run for my life!
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
