I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
