I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
