i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
