where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
