To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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