And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
