Tell her she can't have a vagina
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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