doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
