Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
