dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
