We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
