I think i peed on brittanys purse
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
