why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
