T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Randomize
