there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
