Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
