We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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