worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
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