you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
