My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
