She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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