I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
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