One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
