I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
