I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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