He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
