I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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