i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize
