Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
