forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
