just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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