I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
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