i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
