i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
