3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
