Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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