ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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