He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You have to summon your inner elephant
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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