Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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