When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
