I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
