I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I love you. Go after that dick
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
