Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
