I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
