Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize