Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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