Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
