My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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