Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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