Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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