Just cropdusted the office
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
