I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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