I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
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