Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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