i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
