Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
