giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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