your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i don't like sucking hair
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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