he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
