wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
