he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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