he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Randomize
