You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
