how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
