Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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