It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
