Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
