you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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