Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
