is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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