i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
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