Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
