You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
