Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
