I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
