I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
