So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
