so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Randomize
