I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
