you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
