I didn't shave. On purpose
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
