god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
