Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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