You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
