So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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