omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
