he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
