??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
