Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
