Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
