then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
