I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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