U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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